


I love you to prove a point.

by ThulaCrimstone



Category: One Piece
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Tension, Canon Universe, Feelings Realization, M/M, Roronoa Zoro and Vinsmoke Sanji Bickering, Teasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-21 11:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThulaCrimstone/pseuds/ThulaCrimstone
Summary: Zoro implements a not very well thought out plan to make the delusional cook accept reality.A game starts. But will it even be possible for either man to win?
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro & Vinsmoke Sanji, Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	1. The start of love?

**Author's Note:**

> Luckily, One Piece does not belong to me.

“No matter how many times you profess your love and act a fool, Nami’s never gonna love you back. You know that, right? Idiot love cook.” Zoro rumbled in aggressive annoyance at having been woken up by the cook’s usual screeching over their female nakama.

“What the hell does a shitty cactus know about love?!” Sanji spat in retaliation.

“More than a mellorine dumbass, apparently!” Zoro shot back and stepped up to get in the cooks dumb face.

“You don’t know shit, you green sponge! Nami will love me and we will live happily ever after!” Sanji moved in closer to Zoro’s face, bearing fanged teeth grinding on his cigarette.

“In your delusions, hoge!” Zoro pressed their foreheads together, grinding his teeth as well.

“Fuck you, shitty swordsman! I’m her prince! You’re just mad no one would ever love a piece of seaweed like you!” Sanji screamed.

Zoro composed himself slightly . “You don’t get someone to love you just by telling them you love them and I’ll fucking prove it to you, shitty prince of delusions.” He rumbled, not backing down.

Sanji’s foot came up and struck down towards Zoro’s head but was swiftly blocked by the back of Zoro’s swords. One of their usual flights ensued. Neither yielding or winning until Nami lost her patience and both boys ended up with large, throbbing bumps on their heads.

“Nami-swaaaan! I’ll make you a delicious drink.” Sanji noodled off with hearts in his eyes. “Nami-swan is so beautiful when she’s angry too! Mellorine!”

Zoro rolled his eye. He’d show the idiot love cook that he was right! He knew exactly what to do so he continued his nap and waited for dinner.

As dinner was served, Sanji scowled at Zoro as he sat down at the table to eat. Zoro just...smiled at him. “WTF? Guess the moss finally took over his brain.” Sanji thought.

Zoro took a big bite. “Mmmmm! This is delicious! Your cooking is as delectable as you are beautiful! This is why I LOVE YOU, cook!” He proclaimed loudly with a big smug grin on his face.

Everyone dropped their utensils and Sanji turned a vivid red all over. He stood frozen in shock. The galley was deadly quiet for a few moments.

“Bhahaha! Right?! I love you too! Your cooking is the best, Sanji!” The captain howled and continued to stuff his face.

“Yaaooow! What a touching display of bromance! You guys are suuuuuuper! I love you too, dammit!” Franky sobbed, moved to tears.

Robin chuckled. “Is this some new form of torture, Zoro-kun? I think our cook is broken.” She said, clearly amused at the frozen cook, looking like his soul already left his body.

“Just teaching him a lesson.” Zoro answered unbothered and kept eating.

“I don’t know what’s going on but he’s gonna try to kill you when he comes to.” Usopp pointed out. “For real.”

“Mm, probably.” Zoro agreed, still eating calmly.

“Don’t fight in here!” Nami ordered.

“I won't.” Zoro assured. Maybe he should have thought this through a bit more, though. Well, too late now.

“YOU! OUT! NOW!”

Zoro looked up to see Sanji staring daggers at him pointing at the door.

“Anything you say, love.” Zoro cooed, gave thanks for the food and walked out.

Sanji just stood there pointing for a while, almost huffing flames from how hot his whole body felt. He was fuming, furious and embarrassed. Zoro was indeed going to die today.

“Well, that was unexpected! Yohohohooo!” Brook exclaimed in a vain effort to lighten Sanji’s mood.

“Sanji, are you OK?!” Chopper squealed.

“Oi, oi, Sanji. Don’t let him get a rise out of you. You know that’s just what he wants? Erm, probably.” Usopp tried to calm the fuming cook.

“B...b...bu...BUT! He said he LOVES ME!” Sanji exclaimed like he could barely hold down vomit while sputtering out the words in rage.

“Isn’t that nice? Yohohoo!” The skeleton musician smiled. At least he tried to make it look like he did.

“NO!” Sanji yelled.

“But you tell Nami and Robin you love them every day.” Usopp pointed out and almost peed his pants when Sanji bared his fangs and shot daggers at him with his eyes.

“That’s right, Sanji-kun. And you don’t see us getting angry.” Nami added, amused.

“Nami-swaaaan.” Sanji whined.

Robing chuckled. She understood the point the swordsman was trying to make.

“Yeah, don’t fight bros! Go out there and tell him you love him too! Yaaooww!" Franky sobbed.

“I DO NOT LOVE HIM!!!” Sanji roared “Tonight’s late night snack will be roasted marimo!” Sanji yelled and stormed out of the galley with his leg on fire.

“Oi oi, will they be OK?” Usopp asked nervously.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine. As long as they don’t bust up the ship.” Nami shrugged yet cracked her knuckles.

“Don’t worry, they'll be great!” The captain exclaimed like he had no doubts as he kept stuffing his face.

Robin was still chuckling quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.


	2. Mind game of love.

Sanji lit a cigarette as soon as he stepped outside and extinguished his foot. He took a long drag to calm himself down and looked around for the dumbass marimo.

Had he overreacted? 

Sure, Nami-san and Robin-chan didn’t get angry when he said he loved them but he wasn’t blatantly lying! Not that he’d reacted differently if Zoro’s love was real. No, that was besides the point. “ _ What the hell am I thinking? _ ”

Still the mossbrain shouldn’t go around telling people he loved them when he didn’t! Who does that?! Sanji really loved all the beautiful ladies. He’d do anything for them. Anything for love. And one day someone would love him back just as passionately. Anyone but the idiot marimo.

Sanji didn’t need love from men. Especially not dumb, green haired, directionally challenged swordsmen.

“ _ Calm down, Sanji. Don’t let him bait you. You’re smarter than seaweed. _ ” He told himself. He thought about the dumb spat they’d had earlier and figured out that this was marimo’s plan to prove his idiotic point. “ _ Well, two can play that game! _ ” Sanji resolved to not let Zoro have any sort of victory in this.

Zoro grinned smugly, relaxing with his hands behind his head, leaned against the wall under a tree on deck below the cook. Zoro figured the shitty cook had realized his ruse by now. The mellorine dumbass wasn’t actually as stypid as his curly eyebrows made him look. Zoro knew that. 

Watching the cooks extreme reaction had been oddly satisfying and the amused swordsman didn't feel like ending this odd battle yet. “ _ Try and ignore me, love cook. I’m gonna woo your pants off! _ ” Zoro cringed at that thought. Not his pants. Not like that. His dignity. Yeah, woo his dignity off. He rationalized in a slightly flustered mental panic. 

Zoro was certainly NOT interested in getting Sanji’s pants off. “ _ Long, strong, milky legs STOP! _ ” Zoro took a deep breath to clear his mind of inappropriate thoughts but all he got was a whiff of Sani’s smoke. So much for not thinking about the love cook. Now his lungs were stained by the smoke that had probably already been inside the cooks, no doubt, tar stained lungs. The thought of it was strangely intimate. Zoro coughed at the thought more than the smoke but filed it away in his head as possible future ammunition for this new brand of mental warfare.

“There you are, green bug.” Sanji wasn’t gonna let Zoro get to him again. He walked down to the swordsman and crouched in front of him. “ _ Dumbass marimo pretending to sleep. _ ” He blew his smoke right in Zoro’s dumb face as he pretended to snore in. Shot’s had been fired.

Zoro steeled his resolve and took a deep gasp of the smoke and opened his eye. Already presented with an opportunity to fire his mental ammunition. “Oh, love cook. You wanted to fill my lungs with the smoke you just exhaled from yours? That’s so romantic! I think I’m falling for you even harder!” He winked at the cook while faking an infatuated smile.

Sanji stood back up and turned around quickly as he felt his face heat up. “There’s something seriously wrong with your head, love marimo!” He spatterd and walked off way too flustered than he should be. Shit.

“ _ Heh. got ‘ya again, cook. _ ” Zoro smiled smugly to himself.

“ _ Shit, that’s not how you’re supposed to react, Sanji. _ ” He scolded himself mentally. “ _ Don’t let him get to you no matter what bullshit comes out of his mouth. Don’t get flustered! _ ” He walked to the boys quarters to wash his face in cold water before going back to the galley to finish his dinner and wash dishes. Completely ignoring the napping, smug swordsman on the way. 

Tobacco had never been Zoro’s thing. Booze was way tastier and satisfying and he didn’t need another vice. Still, the cooks' smoke wasn’t that bad. It just tasted weird and kind of sweet and spicy and Zoro pondered if that was how the cook tasted too when he caught himself and quickly stifled that dangerous thought. Then he fell asleep for real.

“Sanji!” Chopper shrieked as the cook stepped back into the galley.

“Ah, don’t worry the marimo is still alive.” Sanji reassured. 

He started cleaning off the table. Of course there was no food left. He’d just have to make himself something simple later.

“Thank you for the food!” Luffy and crew started moving out of the galley, everyone pouring off in different directions, leaving the cook alone.

“Would you like a hand with the dishes Sanji-kun?” Robin offered, holding a cup of coffee she’d helped herself to since Sanji hadn’t been around to serve her. Not that she minded.

“No Robin-chwan! I couldn’t possibly ask you to perform such menial tasks!” Sanji swirled over to hold the door open for her. Feeling sorry for having stormed out of the galley, thus making Robin have to brew her own coffee. “Go have a lovely evening!” He sing sang with hearts in his eyes as she smiled at him.

“Oh, then I’ll leave it to you Sanji-kun.” She figured he needed some time alone. And, perhaps, he’d get some unexpected help from someone else. Robin chuckled as she glanced at the swordsman and headed to the lounge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued. 
> 
> Might take a while but it will continue, eventually.


End file.
